dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
