In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
