Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
