i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Randomize
