Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
