we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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