I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
