I looked at my own cervix.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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