Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."