Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
