just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
