I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
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in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
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Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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