i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize