sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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