Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
