Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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