i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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