I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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