is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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