god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
