I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
