I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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