He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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