All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i came on her dog
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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