I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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