I just saw a hot homeless man
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
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I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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