Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
