Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
