Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
