I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
