Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
