remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
