if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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