his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
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Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize