I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
