um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
