oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
