Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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