She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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