Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
