Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
