Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
