You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
