i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
