My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
