Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
