You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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