I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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