His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
