But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
