it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
