I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
