At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
