Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
