When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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