Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sobbing to NWA
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
