she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
