This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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