Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
