Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
