So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
